nostaliga with the financial market mess....

so i'm having some emotional withdrawals with all of the hoop-la that is going on right now with the financial mess known as the US economy. besides seeing my 401k plummet, my emotional response goes past that. you see, i have a soft spot in my heart towards lehman brothers since they were the company to offer me my first job in nyc. which for no really concrete reason except the weird feeling in my gut, i turned down. but i've always followed them throughout the years and have had some good friends work for them. lehman was like that relationship with the guy that never came to pass - the "what if" guy. the guy you thought was attractive, funny and smart, but there was just something off about him you couldn't put your finger on. so you said no when he asked you out on the third date. of course you had given him a chance and said yes to the first and even the second date - aka my interviews with lehman. but when it came to make the "commitment" (i use this term very very loosely since i no way believe that a third date equals a commitment other than a commitment of time), i couldn't take the plunge.

i remember the hr rep being very upset when i said no to the job offer. who turns down a job at lehman? especially a girl that has just moved to nyc and hasn't found a job in over a month and is living off grape nuts and pizza? granted i did lose 10 pounds that summer off that fabulous pizza/grape nuts diet, but i was getting desperate to land a job. but for some reason, i followed my gut and said no to the third date.

i've often wondered how different my career would have been and where i would be now if i had accepted that job with lehman. i'm pretty sure i would have been laid off a short time after i had started there since 9/11 happened two months later and they did go through a round of layoffs and implemented a hiring freeze. if that had happened, i probably would have left the city and gone back home to utah with my tail between my legs.

but instead, i took a third date or job offer a month later with mercer consulting who is owned by marsh - whose headquarters were in the north tower of wtc on the 93-101st floors. yes, the events that marked that day were sad and tragic and will always remain in my memory. but it wasn't the end of woes for my boyfriend marsh. three years later, they got hit by a bid rigging scandal, filed by the then-current attorney general, squeaky clean eliot spitzer. marsh's stocks plummeted. our CEO was ousted. his father was also ousted, who was CEO at a neighboring company that was also involved in the bid rigging. that company was AIG.

so hearing the names lehman and AIG combined with the words "bail out" "financial crisis" and "bankruptcy" brings some nostalgia to my life these past few weeks. i worry about these former employer boyfriends (okay i guess i really can't say i got asked out by AIG; just his son marsh) and i hope that they will make it through these rough times. i hope they seek outside help like some good therapy (aka, legal counsel), and maybe take up yoga or meditation to help clear their minds as well as their balance sheets. and though i do sincerely worry about them, i am soooo glad we didn't work out, that i followed my gut and didn't take that third date with lehman. that i got out of my relationship with marsh and accepted a new date offer from DDS the day the bid rigging scandal was announced and our stock plummeted from $65 a share to $20 and most of my colleagues had only marsh stock in their 401k.

so just as in the case with romantic relationships, hindsight is definitely 20/20.